The Void of Virtues
by hayairei
Summary: The blank, agony period of an extended separation on the brink of World War II, explained through a letter Megumi never got to read.


A spin-off of an in-progress war!AU Aishira fic. This letter is set on August 1945.

* * *

_To whom I am blessed to cherish,_

_Dearest Megumi,_

_I hope the divine sanction of health will always be with you, and everybody else. Please send my humble regards to my Grandmother and your parents as my weak attempt on lessening the weight on their shoulders— for I am alive and well, as far as words can describe._

_It is with great concern that I finally am able to write to you. My failure to deliver what was expected of me haunts me as the day gets warmer, my layers of clothing has subsided considerably. As you are in a place where it is considerably colder— and safer— than of mine, I believe it should be immeasurably better than what I experience here. But, no excuse would ever be enough to rid me of my sins I have committed, as I humbly take this opportunity to make amends. _

_Time to time I found myself staring blankly at the scarce pieces of paper in my posession, troubled on stumbling words in between the lives of the people, demanding my utmost interest. I beg the heavens for their lives, and for you to be able to go on without the modest warmth of my message. Truthfully, I believe you're a strong woman, for you are the one I have chosen to spend the rest of my life with— if ever this war ends and the grace of mankind envelops us, allowing our lowly selves to reunite and feel each other's warmth once again— I know the absence of me would not hinder you on being the amazing woman you are. Sometimes though, on occasions I could count on my fingers, I desire for you to long for me as much as I ache for you being with me._

_The events that happened over the course of earlier months rendered me wordless. I trust that the account of the air raids over the capital must have worried you, but I— everyone on the civilian medical team, we gave our utmost efforts to be able to provide treatments, on alert at all times. Despite the fact that half of the city was destroyed, I am grateful that the medical facility we have was left unschated— a miracle on its own, I'd like to think— so that we can continue serving the people. _

_The number of casualties were endless; at the end of the day sometimes I had the thought that I couldn't continue on, for exhaustion lumps over my bones as we are greatly undermanned. I wonder how do you cope with the clinic? Then, in comparison to the pain I could see on the patients' faces, it would be too much of a disgrace to give up over mere fatigue. The ones that survived, they may have lost their families, important people to each one of them, and all we could manage to do was to encourage them to endure living, for there is meaning behind all the agony of life. Even understanding the philosophy, I couldn't help when the thoughts of my lacking self creeps in between my consciousness. If only I am better doctor, or a better person, would I be able to save more of the lives? _

_I can't lie for my life as I heard the news of the Aomori air raid, there, on the place we all thought would be safe, that I didn't immediately thought of your well-being. I love you for the thoughtfulness you had in you, as I received the treasured letter assuring me of the safety of everyone, in spite of my flaws. My legs went numb from joy as I opened the piece of paper, I had to take a seat preparing myself of what's to come— and then I rejoiced to the heavens. I had barely contained myself from getting the immediate means of transportation to take me to you, whatever it is, for I had enough of the anguish. Experiencing first hand what you may have felt all the times I went off the grid, I vow to devote more of my time to write you. But, I ask of your compassion to have me at your mercy once again for I am not going to be with you too soon— if only. _

_The atomic bombings had caused a massacre history had not prepare us. The government will most likely concentrate on aiding the cities affected, and with the unprecedented casualties I am sure that medical aids would be very appreciated. I am volunteering to be able to help the injured, leaving for Hiroshima first thing in the morning with a few of the personels here. My heart is heavy leaving you to more perplexing times but I am sure that you will believe my doings to be valuable. I don't understand what may come greet me en route, if only you can keep me in your prayers as I chant the beautiful name of yours faithfully every time I do, it will lessen the shortcomings I posses. I am preparing for the worst, as I write to you. I may not be able to fathom all the emotional pain and suffering the people may be going through, but I can provide a treatment to their physical injuries at the least. _

_For me to think of this letter to suffice, it is just enough to show how insensible I am. I can scarcely believe that this letter will manage to convey every bit of emotion I have for you, but I truly hope it will. As you receive this constellation of words I think of inadequate, I earnestly wish you will be able to feel my presence through. Should this work as a kind of consolation, then so be it. It torments me, whenever I think of you having to take care of the little ones alone, oh the grave sin I have committed— will you forgive me?_

_My only desire now is to be able to reunite with you— my family, our family. _

_Please tell the little ones that I love them dearly, everyday, every second you got, and yourself, foremost. _

_I can't wait to be home, after proving myself useful for the people and not letting our struggle to be of waste. _

_I am going to be home. _

_The one blessed to cherish you,_

_Aizawa Kōsaku_


End file.
